Bamf'ed!
by J.W. Cart
Summary: Four girls walk out of the bathroom and into a forest. Is it Mirkwood? Or somewhere else!
1. Chapter 1

Lord of the Rings ideas belong to the Tolkein estate, everything else belongs to me.

* * *

**Bamf'ed**

It was the end of the midnight showing of the Return of the King. Three hours of blissful torture, for Arty at least. She had gone to see the end of the trilogy and ended up sitting next to three Lego-lusting girls. Throughout the entire film whenever Legolas was on screen they would gush excitedly. "He's so hot!" "Isn't he wonderful!" "I want to marry him!" "You? You think that his last name was Greenleaf!" It was enough that Arty almost dumped her popcorn on them. Free from them now that the movie was over she hit the bathrooms. A large soda during a three hour movie she didn't want to miss a minute of lead to a very full bladder. Unfortunately, the three girls had the same thought.

In the bathroom she had to suffer through the same endless prattling.

"Did you that the novelization of the movies got so much stuff wrong? I mean they had some elf dude rescue Frodo instead of Arwen… not that I mind, because she's such a bitch!" One of the girls, said as they were washing their hands. She had purple hair pulled back in a ponytail and blue eyes, wearing jeans and a t-shirt with Legolas on it.

Arty had enough. Throwing down her crumpled paper towel she glowered at the three girls. "The Lord of the Rings was a Book long before it was a movie. Glorfindel is not some elf dude, Peter Jackson took him out of the movie for God only knows what reason, and Arwen is not a Bitch," she snapped at them and stalked out of the bathroom, to the sounds of "Gee, what's her problem?"

Shaking her head Arty pushed open the door and froze. The outside of the bathroom didn't look like a movie theatre any more.

"Move it! Miss knowitall." One of the girls said and shoved her forward. Arty stumbled and found herself on slightly muddy ground. The sort that came from rotting leaves in a forest. The three girls followed her out and the door to the bathroom shut with a resounding thump. Standing up, Arty looked around to see that she was in a forest with large dark and old trees that seemed to look down at them menacingly. Sunlight poked through at intermittent intervals like hard rays.

For a moment all four girls were silent in contemplation of the impossibility that had just happened. Then one of them squealed.

"OHMIGAWD WE'RE IN MIRKWOOD!" She cried out, "I had a dream just like this last night!" This belonged to the girl who was dressed up almost like an elf… but badly done. She had dirty blonde hair and blue eyes.

"Mirkwood? Really? You mean we could meet Legolas?" one of the others cried out. "I could try out my elfish!"

"I could try out my sword and archery skills that I've learned! I'm so good at them! I bet I could be Legolas!" This was said by the third girl, gangly with a Lord of the Rings shirt that looked like it hadn't seen the inside of a washing machine in years. It too had the beleaguered image of Legolas on it. She had brown eyes and long flat black hair

"Ha!" Arty said at this. "Did any of you even think to wonder exactly what happened? Where are we going to get food? And in which way to go to get back home?"

The other three girls looked at her blankly before the first one said, "Legolas will save us." Before walking straight in some random direction away from the bathroom. Or at least away from where the bathroom used to be. Now it was only forest. The other two girls followed her.

Sighing in frustration, Arty trailed behind them, after all they were the closest thing she had to home, and besides she didn't want to be alone in this place, something might eat her. If she was with them, then it was a one out of four chance that she'd get eaten.

* * *

In another part of the woods Greywolf leaned on his ax and looked at Alec, his younger brother with an amused expression on his face. His brother looked considerably disconcerted, tugging at strands of his now blond hair.

"You look good little brother," he said, "Though I thought you were trying to move the firewood, not change the color of your hair."

"I was," Alec snapped back, before looking at his hands despondently, "It just seems like my magic has been acting strange lately."

"Strange? Is that what you call turning Laruna's cat into a lizard when you sneezed?"

"I'm allergic to cats," Alec grumbled, pushing back his hair.

"You still have to turn Buttons back, you know."

"I will… as soon as I figure out how."

Greywolf gave a bark of laughter at that. "Come, let's try doing this the old fashioned way," he said, bending to pick up some of the logs. He picked up a few, before noticing that Alec was staring off into the woods. "What's the matter?"

"I hear something… someones… coming this way." He stepped forward, drawing his sword.

Four girls stepped out from the trees at this point. Three of them were laughing and talking. The fourth was trailing a little bit behind with a disgusted look on her face. They all stopped when the saw the two brothers and began talking excitedly.

Frowning, Greywolf looked at his brother, "I don't understand anything that they're saying. Do you?"

"I… I don't think so." Alec said with an identical frown. "I wonder where they came from. They don't look like they came from over the mountains; they aren't dressed for traveling. But the only thing in the direction is the end of the valley. And I know they don't come from the city, no one dresses like that there."

"Strange. Do you think they could be fey?"

"Ears aren't pointed."

"Point," Greywolf said before giving a laugh at his unintentional pun. "I wonder if they're harmful."

At this Alec shook his head. "No. They aren't. I don't sense anything like that from them."

"Should we approach them you think?"

"They look like they're coming our way."

* * *

They had been walking for about fifteen minutes when the four of them came upon a clearing in the woods. It was the longest fifteen minutes of Arty's life. While she was wondering about the practical things of life, like where were they? How were they going to get food? How were they going to get home? What had happened? Could she get away with killing those three girls? The three friends were chatting about Legolas, Legolas, Aragorn, Legolas, and Legolas. Arty had learned that the purple haired girl was Ori, the blonde was Chloe and the black haired one was Jenny. That was also more than she wanted to know. So involved in their discussion they didn't notice the two men standing in the clearing with a pile of wood around them. At least not right away.

One of the men had an ax. He looked to be in his late twenties with straw blond hair and gray eyes. He was dressed in clothes that looked rather like he came out of a fantasy novel. The second man, who was holding a sword of some sort, looked to be a fair bit younger, but definitely related to the first. He was also blond, but with brown eyes and large pointy ears. He had a tattoo of some sort on the right side of his face and he was wearing some sort of leather armor. He held the sword like he knew how to use it.

"Look! An elf!" Chloe cried out, pointing to the young man with the sword. "I wonder if he knows Legolas?"

"Talk to him, see if he does." Jenny said, pushing at Ori.

"He has a sword!" Arty said in exasperation. "I don't think he's going to talk to you!"

"He won't hurt us. I speak his language!"

"And what are you going to say? Take me to your leader?"

"Well… yes. Or something like that. Duh."

"You do realize that Legolas' father is their leader… if in fact that is a Mirkwood elf." Arty was having doubts about that. The elf looked more like a human with pointy ears than an elf to her.

"Oh no… not Trandil? He'd throw us in his dungeons!"

"Thranduil and wine cellars," Arty corrected absently. Her parents had read the Hobbit to her as a child. She had grown up with it. Not heeding her warning the girls walked eagerly forward, the one who could talk elfish in front. Arty stayed back. She wasn't going to approach the men with a sword and an ax.

Ori held up her hand in greeting and started to say something that Arty couldn't understand, her two friends right behind her. From the looks the two men gave her, they could understand her either.

The younger one leaned over to the other whispering something, to which the older shrugged. The girls seemed to be getting frustrated at their friend who said, "I don't know what's wrong…he should understand me!"

The older pushed at the younger in that way that siblings do when one is trying to coerce the other to do something the other doesn't want to do.

* * *

"Come on, try it!" Greywolf said, "What's the worse that could happen?"

"I don't know? They could… explode or turn into dragons or … something!"

"Then they wouldn't be our problem! Come on little brother!"

"Don't call me little brother!"

"But you are," he paused, "I won't call you it if you do this."

"Promise?"

"Of course."

"Alright… but I'm not taking the blame on this one. It's your idea!" Alec said before glancing at the girls. He flung out his right hand, the left was holding his sword, and a spark of gray energy flew out from it. The spark moved rapidly from the hand to the girls before vanishing into thin air. "… Well that worked splendidly. Didn't it?"

"Oh shut up, it was worth a try."

"You're lucky I didn't kill them!" Arty heard the younger one say. Suddenly she realized she could understand them! Her eyes widen in shock and she stared at the two men. The younger one stared back at her. "… maybe it did work," he said.

He walked past the three giggling girls and over to Arty. "Can you understand me?"

"Yes… I can!" Arty replied. "Can you understand me?"

"I can! This is great! Who are you and why are those girls looking at me like they want to drag me off and have sex with me?"

Arty laughed at this, "They're with me… I think. We came here together at least."

"From where?" The older one asked, studying her.

"I… I…. I have no good answer to that. At least none that will sound sane."

"I see. Why is that?"

"Because we were in …" she hesitated to say bathroom, not knowing if they'd know what it was, "a room and opened the door to get out and found ourselves-"

"HEY!" Ori cried, "How come they understand you but not me!" The three girls had clustered over to them, hovering around the young man who looked rather edgy. Arty looked taken aback a the accusation

"Because I know the true Elven language, unlike that grey-elvish drivel you were speaking a while ago," Arty snapped at her.

"I thought we were speaking common…?" the young man said, earning a whack on the head from his brother.

"She's messing with them, you slush for brains."

"Oh!"

"How do you know thaaaat?"

"Because I've actually studied Tolkien." This caused Ori to shut up in shock, much to Arty's relief. "I'm sorry, where was I?"

"How did you come here?"

"I'd rather not say."

The younger one looked at his brother questioningly. "We can't just leave them out here. Laruna would kill them."

The older one looked up at the sky, "It's too late to take them back to the city, I guess the village is close enough. Only about ten leagues away." He turned to Arty, "We're going to take you to the village for the night and try to figure what to with you and your friends."

Figuring that she had nothing to loose, Arty agreed. Turning to the girls, she said, "They said we have to follow them and they'll take us to Legolas."

This set the girls squealing again.

* * *

So, where are they? Will they ever find out? Where's Legolas? Find out next chapter! 


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Only Alec and his people belong to me. Tolkien ideas belong to him. I don't claim the Sues.

* * *

The six of them walked in a loose group after introducing themselves. Alec stayed in the rear while Greywolf walked in front, resting the ax over his shoulder. Jenny seemed to be eyeing the weapons Alec was carrying. While the other two seemed to be eyeing other parts of him. This made him shift nervously as he walked and he dropped further behind. He couldn't understand him, but what the girls were talking about were if he knew Legolas and how personally and if he could introduce him to them and what if they were best friends, what if he fell in love with one of them… and other inane things like that. 

After promising that they'd decide what to do after Legolas declared their love for one of them (because how could he not?) the group walked out of the forest into the bowl of a valley. Looking around, Arty saw that the forest that they came out of was at one end of a huge valley bowl surrounded by tall snow capped mountains that glisten almost golden. The grasses was up to their hips, some deer like creatures grazing out in a small herd ahead of them. A dirt road stretched out before them and following it she saw it lead to what must be the city that the two brothers had been talking about. It sat on a rise in the bowl at the other end of the valley surrounded by a cream colored wall. To their right, closer by, was a village, smoke rising from the fires that must be going on in the homes.

"That must be Rivendale!" Ori cried out pointing towards the city. "Where Elrond rules."

Arty just sighed and shook her head. "What is the name of the city?" she asked Greywolf.

"Oh… um Xanth. Though most people just call it the Wizard's City," he said, "But we aren't going that far. Just up to the farming village."

Nodding Arty looked around, "And how far away is that?"

"About a three hour walk."

"It's going to be a long walk."

"Why do you say that?"

"Trust me, it is," Arty said, looking back at the three girls.

Half an hour later Chloe began to whine about how she was tired. Arty was surprised she lasted that long. Not that she could blame the girl, she too was getting tired, not used to walking so much and at the pace the two brothers set. Ori started to join in with her and sat down on the ground with the declaration, "I'm not moving another foot."

"Me either." Chloe said, "It feels like my feet are going to fall off."

Alec looked over at Arty wonderingly, "What did they say?"

"They're tired of walking," she said, hiding the fact that she too was tired.

"Why aren't there any horses? I want to ride a horse to Rivendale," Chloe continued.

"But we've hardly been walking," Alec protested to Arty.

Sighing Greywolf said, "We'll give them five minutes. It's no wonder their feet are tired, look at what they're wearing." He gestured to the girls who were wearing thin soled shoes, definitely not the sort of things to be worn when walking out on a dirt road in the middle of no where.

Alec grumbled a bit, but nodded. He started to stalk around them in a loose circle, Jenny following him. About the second circle around he turned and glowered at her. "What does she want?" He asked Arty who in turned asked Jenny.

"I want to see one of his knives," Jenny said with a gleam in her eyes. Arty translated this back to Alec, who shrugged and tossed her one of his knives. The gleam left her eyes and she let out a shriek as the knife nearly impaled her. Everyone turned to look at her; Alec's eyes were agog. Straightening up, she glared back at the others and picked up the knife inexpertly, but trying to look like she knew what she was doing.

Alec, Arty noticed, was keeping a sharp eye on her now. He didn't try to retrieve the knife though. Just watch over her.

It was late dusk when they entered the village. About twenty minutes before, when the sun had gone far enough down, Alec had created small globes of fire to follow them around like will o' wisps. This had caused no small excitement amount all four of the girls; an actual display of magic. For Arty, it drove home the fact that they weren't in Kansas any more. For Chloe, however, she gave the delighted cry of, "I was right! Now I can tell those stupid reviewers that they had no right to say my witch couldn't do that."

"But witches can't do that." Greywolf said. Chloe wasn't interested in hearing what he said when Arty tried to tell him. To her, everything was just as she thought it should be.

The village looked rather like a farming village, which was what it was. Fields surrounded a central area where the homes and few shops were. On posts were globes of fire that lit the streets with meager light. Greywolf and Alec seemed to fit right in, though people looked at Alec warily and kept out of his way. Arty couldn't see why though, he looked just like everyone else, despite the pointy ears and several people were walking around with will o' wisps just like their group, and one or two wore armor. She guessed it would just have to be something to be learned later.

Near the middle of the village was a hill with smoke coming out of it and next to it was an inn called, appropriately, "Next to the Smoking Hill". Alec extinguished the lights and pushed his way in, the others following. Inside was a large common room with a woman standing behind a bar. A shadowy stair well led up to a second story. Several women sat at one table embroidering shirts and jackets.

The woman behind the bar, a large woman with a hawk nose and blue eyes, looked at Alec and then at Greywolf and finally at the girls. "When I said that you needed to get a lass, 'Wolf my lad, I didn't mean four of them. Or is one finally attracted to that brother of yours?" Both of the brothers blushed.

"No Mystra Melfin, we found them in the woods and are bringing back them back to the city," Greywolf said.

"Did you now?"

"Yes'm," Alec replied.

"Well I have a room for them and one for the both of you," she said, "But they'll have to share a bed…and you too."

"That's fine," Alec said. He walked over to the bar and dumped some coins on the bar. Mystra Melfin nabbed a handful of them over Alec's protests.

"You want to eat, don't you?"

"Yes Mystra."

Melfin turned and bellowed towards the back, where it seemed the kitchen was. "Six dinners!" She looked back at them and said, "Go, sit, food will be brought."

* * *

Next: Rivendale? RivenDell? Rivendalle? What's it called? Xanth? 


	3. Chapter 3

LotRs not mine. Everything else is. Even the Sues, unfortunately.

* * *

"You have got to be kidding me." This was actually spoken by Arty. The four girls were standing in a small room about ten by ten feet which contained a single bed big enough for two people, a washstand with a pitcher of water and a chamber pot that was under the bed. "We're supposed to share this room?"

Alec, who had come up with the girls, looked at her funny. "It's big enough."

"Where are we all supposed to sleep?" Ori asked.

"In the bed…?"

"But it's only big enough for one person!" Chloe protested.

Giving her a disgusted look, Alec said, "At least you're not sleeping in the stables. Be thankful for that." He then turned on his heel and stalked off.

The four girls looked at each other and the room that they had been given. "The stables couldn't be that bad, could they?" Jenny asked.

"I don't know. So… what do we do?" Ori wondered.

"Try to get in the bed?" Arty suggested.

"All of us together? Isn't that…weird?"

"It has to be better than the floor." This caused some grumbling but it was better than the floor.

"This never happens in the stories." Ori complained, as the four of them tried to get into bed. There were two on one end of the bed and two on the other end. The blanket was thick and warm however, smelling of dried flowers.

"Maybe it'll be better once we get to Rivendell." Chloe said. "And we'll get those new clothes."

This caused a sigh of delight from Jenny and Ori. Though Jenny said, "I won't wear a dress."

"I can't wait to wear an elven dress." Ori said.

"Could we go to sleep? I'm tired," Arty said, not really wanting to listen to their wishes for new clothes. There were a few grunts of ascent and some shifting as they tried to get comfortable.

Somehow, they all did fall asleep. If Arty dreamed, she didn't remember any of it. The next thing she was aware of was some one coming into the room to wake them up.

* * *

"Time to get up girls!" a willowy woman said bursting into the room. "The Troven boys have been up and waiting for you and Mystra Melfin wants them out as soon as possible."

"What time is it?" Arty asked with a cracking yawn. The four girls struggled to wake. It seemed like they had just fallen asleep.

"Late, hour past dawn." The woman said. "Come on now. It was too kind of them to let you sleep this late. But it's a walk to the city and you want to get there before noon, don't you?"

Jenny muttered something about it being too early to get up, but the woman ignored her. She shooed them out of bed and sent them yawning down the stairs. The smells of cooking bacon greeted them. Alec and Greywolf were sitting at a table, Alec working his way through a bowl of some sort of porridge, occasionally grabbing at a loaf of bread and dipping it in egg yolk. Greywolf appeared to have finished eating. He was reading something occasionally drinking from a mug.

They sat down next to Alec and Greywolf. Alec smiled at them while biting through a piece of bread as Greywolf called out for four breakfasts.

Within minutes four more bowls with porridge were set in front of them with crusty warm bread and a bowl of berries that Arty didn't recognize. Mugs of some hot and spicy smelling drink were set down for each of the girls. When Alec reached for the bowl of berries, Greywolf whacked him with his book.

"You already ate two bowls worth. Let them have some before you eat everything in sight."

"What'd he say?" Ori asked.

"Nothing important. Just that Alec was being greedy." Arty said poking at the stuff in the bowl. It looked like it could have been oatmeal at one time. She picked up one of the berries and looked it over. It was purple and shaped almost like a blueberry, but with the little seed things that strawberries had. Taking a bite, she found it sweet and tangy with a lot of pulp. Seeing that she didn't die automatically from eating the strange fruit the other girls tried it too.

The cereal was rather sweet as well and the drink was an apple cider with some sort of unfamiliar spice, but whatever it was it woke her up as sure as that triple espresso coffee did.

"So where do we go now?" Ori asked. Arty translated for her.

"To the city," Greywolf said, putting down his book. Alec had wandered off to try and chive more food from the kitchen. "We're lucky though. I talked to a merchant and he said that he would take us in one of his wagons so we can get there that much quicker."

After Arty translated that back, Jenny asked, "And then what?"

"I don't know," Greywolf said after Arty had once again translated. "Two options. The Oracle or Mystra Kindess. She's the leader of the city council."

"Oh! Let's do the Oracle!" Chloe said, and Arty could almost hear her thinking about how they could find out if Legolas was really destined to marry one of them. "He can tell us our destinies."

"I highly doubt that," Greywolf said, looking at her, after once again Arty translated. "An Oracle's gift, from what Alec tells me, doesn't work like that. But if it's to the Oracle you wish to go, I suppose that's where we shall go." He sounded a bit sour about something as he spoke, but it disappeared as Alec came back with a pair of apples, one half eaten.

"Are we ready to go? Master Ketchen is waiting for us."

Jenny shifted on her seat and whispered something. Arty had to lean over to hear what she said. She then turned to Greywolf and asked him, as he seemed to be the more tactful of the two.

"What?" He paused, "Oh! Yes." He pointed up the stairs, "It's the last room on the left." With that all four of the girls ran up the stairs to the bathroom, or local equivalent there of.

* * *

"They're strange, aren't they 'Wolf?" Alec said as he and his brother walked along side wagon. The four girls were in it, sitting on sacks of wheat and other grains. The merchant seemed to think that the two men were strong enough to walk, while the girls needed to ride. Alec and Greywolf didn't mind too much.

"I suppose they are, I wonder where they come from?" He replied, hand on the edge of the wagon as the walked. Alec shrugged. "They want to go see the Oracle."

Alec stumbled, almost falling to the ground before catching himself. "They want to see Jono?"

"Yes. They seemed to be quite eager to do so." Greywolf frowned, "Is everything okay between the two of you?"

"Yeah, yeah," Alec muttered, not looking at his brother. "We're fine. He'll be glad to see me."

"He seems to get worried when he doesn't see you for a couple of days."

"He just cares about me."

"Over protective of you. Like you're going to break. Though you have been rather clumsy lately."

Alec shrugged "Can't help you there." He plucked a grass strand from the side of the road and started to chew on it absently.

Arty listened to the two brothers talking for a while. Something was going on between Alec… and Jonah? Was that the name? To be certain, but she couldn't say what. The ride in the wagon was pleasant though. The sacks of grain were a bit on the lumpy side, but still cushioned them from the jostling movement of the wagon. Jenny had fallen asleep, but Ori and Chloe were up and talking. At first they talked about the horses. They had horns, like unicorns. But when Arty had mentioned this to Alec and Greywolf, she had gotten a blank look of confusion.

"Why wouldn't a horse have a horn?" Alec had asked.

This had led the two girls to speculate why Tolkien hadn't put the unicorns in the books. Or Peter Jackson put them in the movies. They had seen cows that looked like long horns, but with bony plates on their shoulders and haunches and goats with four horns and spiny ridges on their back. No one seemed to think this was odd at all; besides the three of them.

"Ohmigawd! Is that a dragon?" Ori cried out, pointing to the sky. Arty looked up and saw a creature with webbed wings fluttering in the sky. It did look like a dragon, but it was the size of a humming bird. It darted quickly back and forth, humming rapidly, between the girls.

Alec hopped onto the wagon and snatched at it.

"Don't hurt it!" Chloe cried out.

But Alec sat on the edge of the wagon and opened up his hands. Inside was the dragon, unharmed. It was like someone had taken a humming bird and turned it into a dragon. Its scales were iridescent and it had a long tail, which wrapped around Alec's fingers. Its eyes were like jewels and it had a long delicate snout, a wisp of a tongue flickering out. Its wings were almost transparent.

"Oooh!" Ori cooed. The three girls hovered around Alec. Arty had to admit the dragon was beautiful.

"What is it?" she asked.

"It's a hummer," Alec said. He petted it gently with a finger. "They're good luck."

"You aren't going to keep it, are you?"

"What? No… no…I couldn't keep it." He looked at it sadly, "Keeping wild things like this caged up is cruel." With that, he raised his arms, spreading his palms to the sky. The hummer rested on his hands, looking out and about before zipping off into the grasses. It met a second one and the two of them began to chase each other.

Alec then smiled at the girls, and lept back down off the wagon to continue walking with his brother.

"How come Tolkien didn't mention those in his books?" Chloe wondered.

"Could it be because they don't exist in Middle Earth?" Arty said.

"But we're here! And so is it!"

Arty sighed in frustration. She wasn't getting through to them at all.

The wagon ride took about six hours. Six very long hours, in the sun. After a while the lumpy bags of grain were too lumpy to sit on comfortably. Alec and Greywolf had hitched themselves to the edge of the wagon, Greywolf reading a book of some sort. Alec had fallen in some sort of moody slump and didn't seem to want converse about anything.

Ori, Chloe and Jenny talked eagerly about what they would see in the city. The list seemed to consist of elves. Elves, new clothes, elves, Legolas, and elves. Alec was the closet thing to elves that they had seen, and he wasn't that elven at all.

White walls surrounded the city, gleaming with a stone that Arty couldn't recognize. It didn't looked like any sort of stone that was traditionally used, at least back in her world. Despite being plain and white it had a definite feel of magic. The road went from dirt to cobble stone as the wagon passed through a large gate, guards on either side, tall pikes in their hands.

People hustled and bustled past them wearing bright and colorful colored clothing that was loose fitting. There were very few greens in the clothes, but lots of blues and reds and oranges. The buildings the past seemed to be homes, with large gates and larger gardens behind them. An island in the middle of the road had a strip of greenery in it occasionally broken up by trees, sculptures or fountains. It was the fountains that were astonishing. Not only were there fountains with water coming out of them, but some also had liquid fire. And no one thought this was strange!

As the wagon progressed the street got wider and the homes became shops. Traffic became thicker as more wagons, coaches and people filled the road. The merchant seemed to know where he was going and lead the horses at an easy pace. Alec had gotten off the wagon and was walking along side of it, looking about distractedly.

Their destination was a tall building in the middle of a street square. It had steps going around the entirety of the building, but only one entrance made of tall bronze doors with sigils carved into it. Tall columns flanked the door and went down the stairs, but supported nothing. On the top of the building leaves from trees could be seen.

"This is it." Greywolf said, as he got off the wagon. The four girls followed him, climbing somewhat sorely and stiffly off the wagon.

"This is it?"

"Yes, the temple of the Oracle."

"I wonder what he's like," breathed Jenny.

An auburn haired young man with wavy hair wearing a vest with nothing under it came bounding out of the temple, several men in official looking robes chased after him, calling out for him to stop. The young man paid them no heed and instead dashed up to Alec and pulled him into an embrace, with a long passionate kiss.

"That," Greywolf said.

* * *

Next: The Oracle + Alec Hawt Gay Guys! 


	4. Chapter 4

LotRs not mine. Everything else, mine.

* * *

Once Alec and Jono got disentangled, Jono invited the four girls and Greywolf inside the temple, saying he saw that they were coming and that he couldn't wait to speak with them. Arty noticed that he kept a possessive arm around Alec's waist the entire time he spoke. The Oracle's keepers ushered them inside, giving the people who weren't Alec or Jono annoyed looks. To Alec and Jono they were polite and somewhat fawning.

The inside of the temple was done in dark stone with shafts of light coming down from skylights. The ceilings were high up and difficult to see because except where the shafts of light came down, it was dark. Jono had no problems with where he was going and deftly led them through the corridors. Their footsteps seemed to echo on the stone, but at the same time were strangely muffled.

A short while later they came to a set of double doors, which Jono pushed open with a flourish.

"My private quarters," he said stepping into a well lit room.

Arty looked around the room to see that it was very large. There were tapestries on the walls and thick patterned carpets on the floors. The tapestries were of … well she wasn't sure what they were of, though one or two of them looked like they came out of Playboy. There was an entire wall devoted to books and a sectioned off corner where she could see a large canopied bed that was unmade. Large pillows were flung around the room instead of chairs and there was a low table with the remains of food- cheese and bread - on it.

Pulling Alec along with him, Jono flopped onto one of the larger pillows. He arranged Alec in such away that the smaller man was almost in his lap. There was no way, Arty noticed, that you could get away with thinking that Alec didn't belong to Jono. The other thing she noticed was that Alec didn't seem too happy about it.

The other girls didn't seem to notice anything wrong. They just squealed something about slash and how it would make such a cool fic, before sitting down on pillows around Jono. Greywolf stood, leaning against the wall, his eyes never leaving his brother. Arty sat down next to but not totally near the other three girls.

"So you were the reason my love couldn't come back home to me last night?" Jono asked. Arty translated for the girls.

"Oh! We're sorry!" Chloe said, "We didn't mean to do that."

"If we had known, we wouldn't have," Ori said.

Arty, of course, translated. Jono nodded, looking pleased as he petted Alec.

Jenny leaned forward to say, "We were wondering if you could help us! Greywolf said that you could tell us our destinies."

Jono tilted his head a little, "I could do that, yes."

Arty found herself leaning forward to catch what the Oracle would say, just like the others. She held her breath as she watched him studying the four of them, one hand playing in Alec's hair.

"But I won't. You wish to see things that can not be seen and your destinies aren't mine to tell you."

A sigh was let out of the three girls when Arty translated what Jono had said. Arty barely noticed that she sighed too. There was something tantalizing about knowing your future. And frustrating to know that someone knew it and was holding it back. Jono looked rather smug about it too.

She looked at Alec, who seemed to have fallen into a dreamy doze, and was no help and then over to Greywolf who had a frown on his face.

"So what do you suggest we do then?" Greywolf asked.

Jono shrugged, "I don't care. Take them to Zaladine or to the Elves. It's not my problem."

Arty could almost hear Greywolf's teeth grinding. The three other girls looked back and forth confused. Arty didn't bother to translate.

"Come on then," Greywolf said, almost snapping in annoyance. Arty got up and following her example, the other girls did too. Alec moved to join them, but Jono's hand kept him down.

"You and I have to talk, love," Jono said as the rest of them retreated from the Oracle's quarters.

* * *

"Now, perhaps we'll get something useful done," Greywolf said, once they were out in the sunlight again. Jenny, Ori, and Chloe made disappointed noises. They had wanted their futures read and instead the Oracle had almost laughed at them. Arty looked back at the darkness in the temple.

"What about Alec?"

"He'll be fine." Greywolf didn't sound convincing at all as he said it. Without looking back he walked down the steps and into the busy street.

"Come on!" Arty barked to the three girls. They gave a start and followed in her wake. Arty wondered what was she going to do with them, and what was going to happen to them. They were stuck in a strange new world and all that they could think about was who was going to get into Legolas' pants first. Arty shook her head.

Though looking back at them, there was a bit of uncertainty in their looks as they gazed around them. Something in their façade was cracking. She almost felt sorry for them. At least she could speak the language.

Trotting up a bit, she tugged on Greywolf's arm. "Greywolf?"

"Hrm?"

"Is there any way we could make it so that Ori and the others could speak like I do?"

Greywolf glanced back at the three girls, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear. "I don't know. Alec was the one who did it and even he doesn't know how he did it."

"Well can't you go back and ask him to try again?"

"He's busy. He'll join us if he's able to. Until Jono lets him go, there's nothing that can be done for your friends," he said, shrugging.

Arty wanted to say that they weren't her friends, but she didn't. "Where are we going now?"

"To where we should have gone in the first place, now that I think about it. Mystra Kindess will know where and what to do about this."

Worriedly, Arty bit her lip. "I hope so. I do."

* * *

Greywolf did hope that Mystra Kindess knew what to do with the strange girls. He didn't have time to be playing nursemaid to them. Even if they did seem strangely touched in the head. She would probably make sure he took care of them. People seemed to think that he was good at taking care of kids because of how well he raised his younger siblings. Which was a laugh, really, if they really looked at Alec. Laruna was much better off than her twin, but she always had been.

Still, he kept an eye on his little ducklings as, for some reason, he had started to think of them. They followed him like a mother duck, for certain. With that thought, he realized that he couldn't just abandon them. He was the only connection they had in this world and Alec was no help for them He barely could organize himself much less care for the four girls.

Such luck.

Greywolf knew several people who would kill to have four girls following them around and here he was thinking them as a nuisance. Shaking his head he looked back at them. Arty had joined them, she seemed to stay away from the others most of the time. At least they were almost there.

"There" was a large home built out of white stone, surrounded by a large garden. Greywolf led them up the walk way and under four tall columns that stood in front of the house, capped by a dome. Each of the four columns was a different color; one blue, one white, one orange and one red. They met up to form a swirling grayness under the cap. He gave a little hop skip to the large wooden doors and lifted up the heavy knocker before letting it drop.

It gave a dull thud.

Greywolf lifted it up again, but the door opened, stopping him from dropping it. The man who opened the door was a small mousy looking man with a sour expression on his face.

"It's you… I though it would be your brother."

"He's with the Oracle and I need to speak with mystra Kindess. It's urgent."

"You always say that."

"And it always is."

"I'm sure," the mousy man sniffed.

Greywolf gave a long-suffering sigh, "Please? I have four girls here who have no where to go and it's very important that they see her."

"Very well." The servant allowed after a significant pause. He moved aside to allow Greywolf and the girls to step inside. Greywolf heard the girls "oooh" at the interior of the house. Having been here so often he had forgotten to pay attention to the decorations on the wall. Large wooden panels were painted in such a way that they looked like you were walking through a forest of trees. The ceiling continued this wooded theme looking like the canopy of a forest, with globes of light used to light the interior. It managed to look dark and mysterious at the same time, well lit.

The next room was a bit of a disappointment after the entryway. It was large and had wood paneling that looked like wood paneling. A fireplace took up one wall, the mantle piece decorated with portraits of mystra Kindess's children. Alec was on there, Greywolf noticed.

"I guess she took his fostering seriously," he murmured to himself as he sat on one of the three leather couches in the room. The four girls were exploring it. There were large bronze urns on the sides of the room with large dried ferns in them between those were thick posts with light globes on them. On the upper part of the room were thin window that let in the sunlight. The three couches were arranged around a low table, which was in front of the fireplace.

Footsteps on hardwood floor indicated the arrival of visitors. Looking up, Greywolf saw mystra Kindess looking rather tired. She was accompanied by Kalic, the fey court ambassador.

The reaction from three of the girls was a simultaneous squeal of "Legolas!" Which left Greywolf wondering who they were talking about.

* * *

Next: Legolas? 

R&R!


	5. Chapter 5

They're all MINE! MINE! MIIIINEEE! MWAHAHAHAA! coughs Um... right then.

* * *

Arty looked at the stranger and decided that yes, this creature was definitely an elf. There was no way about it. Looking at him, it made her wonder how she could have ever mistaken Alec for an elf. Kalic was full of an unearthly grace and glow that seemed to invite worship. Everything about him, from his clothes to his hair to, she supposed, his toenails were perfect. He gave them all a perfect smile… that didn't seem to reach his eyes, while perfect seemed to be cold and calculating. Hands behind his back, he walked up to Ori, Chloe and Jenny.

"What do we have here?" he purred. "You don't understand me, do you?" He frowned as he got blanks from the adoring girls "Well we can't have that, now can we." His smile widened. And then faster than Arty could see, he had glided over to the girls and given them each a big kiss on the lips, leaving each girl stunned.

Greywolf and the woman's reactions were instantaneous. Greywolf lept up from the couch he was sitting on and put himself between the elf and the girls. His eyes were raging. Zaladine strode at the elf yelling at him about not touching the girls, that they had a promise and a treaty… though what this had to do with touching Arty couldn't tell. The elf just looked smug.

"Enough," Kalic said finally, with such a force in his voice that mystra Kindess fell silent and Greywolf took a step back. "I have not Touched them. I merely gave them the ability to speak and understand. I remember our treaties and will not cross my Queen by violating them."

Miffed looking, mystra Kindess said, "Sometimes I wonder about that," she said. He smiled at her.

"My dear Zaladine, you have my word, I have not hurt the children."

Arty looked over at the other girls. Jenny looked like she was about to faint, Ori and Chloe were dumbstruck. But other thank that, they seemed fine to her. A look of understanding dawned on Ori's face as she realized that she could understand what was being said.

"So you say," mystra Kindess said.

Ignoring her Kalic looked over at Greywolf, "Where is your brother?"

"He's at the temple."

"I don't like that boy that is courting him. He distracts him too much from his duties. Tell your brother to be rid of him."

"You seem to be under the impression that I have a say in their relationship," Greywolf said coolly.

"Then I will take the matter upon myself."

"You will not," Zaladine interrupted. "This is a problem, if it is one, for our people to deal with, not yours."

"Alexander is my people. He belongs to us," the elf said before turning on heel and leaving.

Arty watched the interplay, confused as to what was going on. No one seemed to be interested in enlightening her. Chloe gave a sad sigh as the elf left, murmuring something about "he kissed me". Zaladine watched him go before turning back to Greywolf.

"That is going to be trouble," she said.

"When is it not?" Greywolf answered before shaking his head. "I have a mystery for you. These four girls, Alec and I found, in the End Woods. They are not from around here."

"Oh? And where are they from?" Zaladine took a good look at them now. Arty could see her evaluating them.

"Another world… I think," Arty said.

"Los Angeles," Chloe said. "We were in the bathroom and when we left it, we found ourselves in the woods of Mirkwood."

"Mirkwood?" Zaladine asked, confused.

Arty gave a sigh of disgust and rounded on the other three girls. "We're not in Middle Earth!" she snapped. "Get that through your thick heads! This isn't the Lord of the Rings. Legolas isn't going to come and rescue you make you his bride. We're stuck in some… God only knows world… and we need to find a way back home!"

"And how do you know that!" Ori challenged.

"Look around you! For God's sake! Look at them. Look they have no idea what we're talking about. Nothing they say has anything to do with the Lord of the Rings. The world is completely different! They wouldn't know the One Ring if it fell into their laps!" Arty wanted to scream. But the other girls looked subdued and thoughtful.

"If I may interrupt?" Zaladine said. "And perhaps get some explanations?"

"We're from another world. They thought we were in a world from a book that they really like. We don't know how we got here. We'd like to go home."

"That sums it up rather nicely," Greywolf quipped. Zaladine glared at him.

"That is a conundrum. Traveling to other worlds is not a providence of ours, but there have been mention of it. It is possible, but the way has been lost to us. This will take some research." Zaladine tapped her chin thoughtfully, "The fey have ways to do it, but I'm reluctant to bring them into this. Perhaps your brother?" She looked at Greywolf, who shrugged back at her.

"I can speak with him… though I imagine he is busy now."

"Hrmm… until then we need a place for … I'm sorry, but I never got your names?"

The girls let Arty introduce them. They were quiet now; their cheerfulness seemed to have leaked out of them and the reality of the situation settling in. Zaladine nodded.

"We need a place for you to stay… there are some spare guest rooms here. And it'll keep you close in case something happens."

"Clothes…?" Chloe chirruped quietly. Arty guessed she was still holding out for that elven dress.

"I suppose, yes… I have some old things from my daughters that may fit you."

There was a wilt. Arty saw it. They weren't getting new dresses, but hand-me-downs. She almost smirked.

Despite being hand-me-downs the clothes were nice. The dresses were made from a soft fabric that was almost like cotton but not. There was a nice assortment to choose from. There were even pants for Jenny, who refused to wear the skirts. Arty found something that she didn't mind wearing.

"They are so pretty," Chloe said, smoothing out a blue-banded skirt as she looked through the clothes.

"They are," Arty found herself agreeing. Even worn they were still in good condition. She picked up a blouse that was a soft gray with flowers embroidered on the cuffs. It occurred to her that they were hand made. Every little stitch was done by hand.

Jenny came strutting in wearing tan pants and a red tunic with blue geometric designs. She had a belt and somewhere had found a knife to tie to the belt. Her feet were bare though. Spreading out her arms, she looked at the other girls and asked, "How do I look?"

"Oh! You look fantastic!" Chloe cried. "Those clothes really suit you."

Jenny beamed happily at this praise from her friend. "They're very comfortable too, not at all itchy like I thought they would be. I just wish that there were some shoes to go with it."

"Well you can't have everything," Arty said as she settled on a skirt with orange shaded bands to go with the shirt.

"No. I guess not," Ori said somewhat thoughtfully, which surprised Arty.

Chloe held up a full dress against her. It had a low bodice and flame designs on the collar and sleeves against a dark blue background. "I like this."

"It's pretty," Ori said.

"Sexy, I think," Chloe said. Apparently, Arty guessed, Chloe was still holding out for Legolas. Or someone else. Perhaps anyone. She laughed at this thought as she went to go change.

About an hour later, Ori, Chloe and Jenny were out in the city, exploring the marketplace. They had gotten permission from Zaladine to go out. Arty went out too, but she had wandered off somewhere else. The marketplace was amazing. There were hundreds of booths filled with everything from spices, to scarves to swords. They walked through the streets, peering at everything and touching everything that they felt safe in doing. Mostly the fabrics for the clothes (hardly any of it was pre-made!) and the jewelry. Jenny stopped at a weapons booth and looked at the bows with great longing. Unfortunately none of them had any money, and it didn't look like Mystra Kindess or Greywolf were just going to give them weapons or jewelry.

"It's so not fair," Chloe said as she looked at a booth with crystal pendants. "I don't see why they didn't give us money."

"Maybe they'll surprise us with it later," Ori suggested. She looked around, noticing that Jenny was missing and spotted her at another weapon's booth talking to someone.

"You mean like in a big ceremony or something?"

"Yeah. Like that!" She tugged Chloe over to where Jenny was. Much to their delight, it turned out that it was the elf Kalic that Jenny was talking to.

"Hello girls." Kalic said, "Ori and Chloe, am I right?"

Chloe giggled a little, but nodded.

"I was just talking to Jenny here, and I'm understanding that Maystra Kindess sent you out shopping with no money?"

"Well it was more letting us explore the city," Ori said.

"And what do you think of this fine city then?"

"It's wonderful!" Chloe cried.

"Magical!" Jenny added.

Kalic laughed, "Magical? This city is hardly magical. If you wanted to see real magic, you should come to my home."

"What's it like?" Ori asked.

"Words cannot describe it. You must see it to truly know it."

"I'd like to," Ori said wistfully.

"Would you? Really? I could show you if you'd like."

The three girls gave exclamations of delight at this idea. It was the best idea that they had heard. "And would we be able to meet Legolas?" Chloe asked.

"I'm sure something to that effect could be arranged," Kalic said with a smile. "Come now. We have to buy things that you'll need on the trip."

"Like weapons?"

"Of course, m'dear Jenny," he said smiling pleasantly, "Of course, whatever you girls want, you shall have."

* * *

So where is Arty? What does the elf want? Find out next time!

* * *


End file.
